Broken Desires

When I was younger, my mum would say to me, ‘you’ll be a Doctor when you grow up’ and say to my brother, ‘you’ll be a Lawyer when you’re grown’. They made us believe life was easy. I began to imagine myself as a Doctor, I started to see patients lying around me, I even began to imagine all the wealth I will amass as a Doctor. I told my friends I will become a Doctor because Mummy said so and Mummy cannot be wrong. I felt Mummy knew everything, She was my GOD.
Primary education was easy as I didn’t even have to read, yet I came top of the class. With my hot brain, I got into one of best secondary schools in my vicinity still harboring the dream of becoming one of my Country’s best Doctors. Mummy still believed in me, She knew I was intelligent and she knew I was not going to let her down. I also loved her very much so I tried to put in my best at school. My Teachers knew me as the intelligent one, my principal used me as a point of reference for other students and it was just normal for pride to fill me. I also represented my school in so many competitions and I was getting popular across the state.
It was finally time for me to get into the university to study my dream course, Of course I was given admission without delay owing to my superb results and obviously Mummy’s influence. This was my first time away from home and I really felt lonely. I knew no one here, no friends, no familiar face and most importantly, no Mummy to peck me every morning. I adapted easily after meeting a few friends who were like minded. We studied together, played games together and spent almost every hour together.
My mother had already adopted the nickname ‘mama Doctor’ and she really felt proud of me. I was still bent on becoming what she always wanted me to be but it was becoming difficult. At this time, I was already receiving threats from cultists whose cult invitations I declined. The pressure was becoming too much but I didn’t want to tell Mum. I felt I was a man now and could handle this myself. I succeeded in keeping them away for some time until they learnt I had a soft spot for Amanda-a girl in my class.
Amanda began to receive death threats from them and it was only natural for me to begin considering their invitation. I knew it was too late to tell anyone because Amanda was already involved and I didn’t want them to hurt her. I had no choice again, we fixed a date for the initiation and finally I became one of them. I was just in my second year when all this happened. I began to smoke, drink, fornicate and I also visited home less often. It was easy to convince Mum that school work was taking much of my time so I could have more time with my gang.
In my final year, we got into a fight with another campus gang that resulted in a lot of bloodshed. I was lucky to have survived but unfortunately, after investigations by the school, my admission was terminated. It dawned on me what I had done to myself. I had wasted my life, I had let Mummy down, I had made her a laughing stock. I should have spoken when I had the chance to. I should have remembered that Mummy had a solution to everything.

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